When Impermanence Feels Good
Impermanence is typically associated with negative feelings. We notice and focus on the painful aspects of it. For example, our kids growing up, people dying, things falling apart, and our own selves aging and slowing down. The change and inability to go back to the way things were causes us discomfort and quite frankly, it scares us.
Impermanence is the reality of life not staying the same. It is the state or fact of lasting only for a limited period of time. This fleeting, shape-shifting existence leads to our suffering, because as humans we find comfort in familiarity and our instincts are to resist change. Change stresses us out. Our brains are designed to look for patterns as a matter of survival.
Buddhism helps us address impermanence on an existential level. The Second Noble Truth, Samudaya, is the craving and clinging to impermanent states and things. This causes our suffering. The Third and Fourth Noble Truths tell us there is a way to end suffering and shows us the path.
But on the flip side, impermanence can bring us positive change. It isn’t all bad. Recently I was listening to a podcast episode from the show Forever 35, and yes, I realize the irony of talking about impermanence while listening to a show by this name. The show is about two friends, both in their 40s, who were late bloomers of sorts, and they explore how to live their best lives. In a way, the show is about enjoying the silver lining of impermanence, which may include new serums to make your skin look and feel great, finding hobbies that bring you joy, or just being curious about yourself and the world around you. You are never one and done. Life can be interesting, dynamic, and joyful in each and every chapter of your existence. In one particular episode, the guest was lamenting about the state of affairs in the world, in particular the political landscape and the ongoing crisis in Ukraine. She had been sharing this with her 80-something father, who reminded her that “this too shall pass.”
I think that advice is profound. It doesn’t have to be a passive approach, but rather a matter of perspective. What feels painful today won’t feel as intense in the future. Wars will end. Parties will be voted in and out of office. Leaders will come and go. Inflation will go up and down. Every ending leads to a new beginning. This is because of impermanence. Nothing is going to stay the same, including our bad days.
Impermanence can also bring us progress. My grandmother passed away this year at almost 98-years-old. I think about everything she saw in her lifetime, having been born during the Great Depression, living through World War II, Korea, Vietnam, Iraq, and more. Anne Frank and Martin Luther King Jr. were both five years younger than her. I grew up reading about them in history books, and it is mind-blowing to think that if they had lived long lives, they would have been about my grandma’s age and maybe still with us. They were from her era, and she was a big part of my era. Yet Anne Frank and Martin Luther King Jr.’s lives seem like they were from a different world than my own. They lived during times that are difficult to conceptualize for young people today. Life has changed so much since then, and in many respects for the better. Still, I constantly hear narratives about how dire our current times are. Certainly there is room for improvement, but everything is changing as we speak. Often that change is slow and we don’t notice it immediately, kind of like how one day we had small children in our arms, and in what seemed like a blink of an eye they grew up.
For those of us steeped in the despair of impermanence, for whatever the reason— maybe going through a loss, perhaps rattled by a recent change, or maybe just not quite feeling yourself today versus how you felt last week—remember the old adage: this too shall pass. It’s the law of impermanence. We can’t fight it.
Dr. Nobuo Haneda wrote in Dharma Breeze that “there are two types of human happiness: situational happiness and existential happiness.” He wrote that “existential happiness means the happiness that one experiences when he appreciates the truth that is inherent in existence—the ever-abiding truth of life or impermanence, regardless of the nature of his situation or condition.” I believe it is a healthy understanding of impermanence when we can see both sides of it— the good and the bad. The pain and the progress. The suffering and the joy. This will contribute to our existential happiness.
Dr. Nobuo Haneda also wrote that “Amida Buddha and the Pure Land symbolize life, the truth of impermanence, or the truth of original suchness.” I’ve heard Amida referred to as a “spiritual mirror” before, and this makes sense to me in the context of how Dr. Haneda connects Amida with impermanence. I think I constantly need that spiritual mirror to remind myself of impermanence and all of its complexity. This helps me build my resilience and my ability to weather life’s ups and downs. I feel pretty happy right now, but I know around the corner there is something bound to pop out at me, tugging me into the reality of impermanence and changing my life in a way that I may or may not want. Reminding myself that the pain won’t always hurt with the same intensity, and knowing that everything has a silver lining (even if we have to dig it out!) will help me get back on my path when I feel myself going astray.
Dhammapada said, “Happiness follows sorrow, sorrow follows happiness, but when one no longer discriminates between happiness and sorrow, a good deed and a bad deed, one is able to realize freedom.”
