Imperfect Happiness
“An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered.” - Gilbert K. Chesterton
I was thinking about problems in life and how to be happy even when it sometimes feels like we’re drowning. It doesn’t take much to feel pulled under the surface of life with problem after problem. Recently my water heater went out, I needed the plumber to come out to fix a shower drain, work was busy, the kids’ activities had me hopping, and it felt like I was getting pelted from every direction. The old saying often rings true: when it rains, it pours.
That’s life though, right? I read a lot, always in pursuit of how I might be doing this living thing better. Recently I read “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F” by Mark Manson. The book addresses suffering and how to be happier. Mason argues that problems are inevitable, and “true happiness occurs only when you find the problems you enjoy having and enjoy solving.” It also suggests that happiness requires struggle, and it actually grows from overcoming problems. It is all based on the values you choose for yourself, and those values must be internally solved and driven.
I kept highlighting so many good lines. I found them perfectly aligned with a Buddhist practice. Buddhism also addresses suffering and forging a meaningful life despite the inevitable pain you will experience. In the book “Promise of a Sacred World” by Nagapriya, the author writes about Shinran’s teachings bringing an awakening of one’s limitations, invoking unlimited compassion, generosity, and wisdom. I think wisdom is an essential element of happiness.
Nagariya also wrote about the Japanese art of kintsugi, which is the art of repairing broken pottery with gold. The idea is to take something once considered broken and make it more beautiful, resilient, and unrepeatable. He writes, ”we generally don’t value broken things, and so often toss them aside as useless. But in the dharma life we will be broken up, reconstituted, and broken up again.” (p.38) This is what is supposed to happen. We aren’t supposed to go through life unscathed.
Going back to this idea of life being a series of problems, and happiness being the ability to choose the problems we like and navigate the ones we have no control over, this is where I think Buddhism comes in. We’ve been taught that perfection is what we should strive for. Happily ever after is what we dream about and expect. When problems happen to us, we wonder why. How? It can derail a person who is unprepared for reality. But like the cracks on the kintsuge pottery, our problems can be addressed, and Buddhism is a practical way for us to fill our personal cracks. This is not done in a problem-free environment. Through Buddhism, we shift our perspective, and life begins to feel more like an adventure and less of a torture chamber.
When we put our hands together in gassho, we express gratitude for what we have right now. It is a reminder to shift our thinking away from our egotistical bombu inclinations and re-center our minds. It is the ultimate form of self-love, accepting ourselves just as we are, making space for more joy, focusing less on suffering, and becoming more attuned to what makes us happy.
