Five Ways to Love Buddhism
I just recently came upon this essay. It is titled What Are the Five Love Languages? written by Sherri Gordon. She describes the Five Love Languages that were first developed by Dr. Gary Chapman, an author and counselor.
The Five Love Languages are:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Quality Time
3. Physical Touch
4. Acts of Service
5. Receiving Gifts
“Words of Affirmation” means that love is expressed verbally and is most impactful. Saying “I love you” means a lot to this type of person. Love is felt and communicated through words.
“Quality Time” people feel loved when others wish to spend time with them. Something as simple as just being together can be very comforting. Love is expressed by taking the time to really be with someone. The actual activity isn’t really important.
“Physical Touch” is the expression of love through contact. Sitting close to one another, holding hands or a hug is most desired by this type of person. The physical closeness of the other person is how love is felt.
“Acts of Service” is doing things for others. For example, doing the dishes or cooking a surprise dinner will really be a hit with this type of person. Coming home to a clean house with the laundry done would be a wonderful surprise.
“Receiving Gifts”, no matter how small, signal that they are thought of and cared for. Often times many small gifts are often preferable to one large gift. A gift giver will often buy the perfect Valentine’s Day gift in August and then find it difficult to contain their excitement until February.
So what should we do? How should we observe this holiday with our loved ones?
Should we choose …
1. Words of Affirmation - Tell them how much they mean to us?
2. Quality Time - Spend the day with them?
3. Physical Touch - Give them a big hug and hold hands?
4. Acts of Service - Make them breakfast in bed?
5. Receiving Gifts - Buy them something special?
It is important to remember that these are five general categories. They are not meant to be a scientific means of diagnosis but as general guidelines to help us navigate our relationships with others. Without this awareness we can hurt each other without intending to. It is also surprising to learn that these languages are not bi-directional. For example, you may want others to express their love to you through “Words of Affirmation” but you show love to others by doing “Acts of Service”. This is actually my profile. I like to be told while doing projects, chores or errands for others.
I have been thinking this over recently and perhaps these Five Love Languages can also be applied to how we approach Buddhism. Each of us needs to find the best way to connect with the teachings and make them meaningful within our everyday lives. Like so …
The Five Love Languages as Five Buddhist Practices:
1. Words of Affirmation - Saying Namoamidabutsu
2. Quality Time - At a Spiritual Space
3. Physical Touch - Bowing in Gassho
4. Acts of Service - Volunteering Your Time
5. Receiving Gifts - Listening to the Dharma
So, which one of these five approaches best resonates with you and your at-home practice? If you can find the “right” one for you then I think your practice can then become effortless. In this way, I think we can better connect with both our friends and family and also with the Buddha Dharma.
